dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
