so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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