so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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