either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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