That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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