ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
