so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
