Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
