Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize