it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
