dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
