On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
