don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
