Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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