She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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