just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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