I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
