well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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