Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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