I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I look better un-naked...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
