You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
