All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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