new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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