dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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