You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
There was a lot of him and a little penis
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
