I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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