So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
