I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
