Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
