Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
