...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
