I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
