Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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