Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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