I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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