Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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