my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
