He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
