Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
