we have officially lost it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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