were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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