At least make sure they are 18
Why
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
