During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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