Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
