# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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