anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
