"it" just moved
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
