Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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