What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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