Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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