Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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