He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
