Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
