She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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