She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
