Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
love makes seman taste better
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
