Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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