There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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