that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
