When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Ketchup is God's man juice
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
